


full of light, full of wonder

by Softclizzy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, best friend simon, single dad jace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 01:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13307172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softclizzy/pseuds/Softclizzy
Summary: “How did you figure out you were in love?” Jace asks as soon as Isabelle answers her phone.“Is this about Simon?” Isabelle asks, sounding entirely too unsurprised.Jace starts pacing. “What? No, I- why would you- who’s Simon?” He comes to a halt and covers his face with his free hand, wondering when he became such an idiot. ”Fuck.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heya. it's almost seven am and ive spent the last few hours drinking coffee and writing this.
> 
> i dont know how lil kids speak english, and i dont know a thing about how america works, but i hope it doesn't bother u too much.
> 
> also i dont have schedule cause they mostly stress me out and stress -> procrastination, so. the surest way to get me to write more is to comment, so if u have the time leave a few words, i'd really appreciate it !!
> 
> thats all. bye

The thing is, people do ask. Did you see this coming when you were younger? Did you ever think this would be your life at twenty-two? Did you ever imagine something like this happening? Was she planned?

No, he didn’t; no, he didn’t; no, he didn’t.

No. She wasn’t.

He doesn’t know how to answer them politely. It hardly seems to matter that when Jace was younger he saw himself living a wild youth and even wilder adulthood, doing as he pleased and not caring about other people’s opinions. He had been reckless and arrogant, and selfish at worst. He had thought he would build himself a career that would bring him enough money so he could live comfortably and still have plenty to spare.

He had been stupid. 

Olivia Maryse Lightwood was born two days after Jace’s twentieth birthday. She had her mother’s brown eyes and even browner hair, Jace’s mouth, and a loud, shrilling cry that had made Jace cry too as he watched her being placed in Rita’s waiting arms. He spent hours in between feeding just watching her sleep while Rita rested and tried to recover, with their baby’s little fingers wrapped tightly around one of his.

It was, without a doubt, the best day of his life; and Liv, at 19.7 inches and 8.4 pounds, had the power to change him so irreversibly that later on he hardly recognized the person he used to be.

So, no. He didn’t see Rita’s pregnancy coming. No, he didn’t think that five months after Liv had been born Jace would end up becoming a single parent, as Rita said she needed some time for herself and moved in with one of her friends. No, he doesn’t think he could’ve ever imagined living in a one bedroom apartment with his two-year-old daughter when he’d been supposed to go to college. And no, Liv was not planned.

But that doesn't mean that Jace isn’t in it one hundred percent, or that he isn’t happy, or that Olivia is anything but the light of his life.

Most of the time he waves off the questions. Sometimes he smiles too sharply to be considered friendly. And at times when he couldn’t care less, he bends down to cover Liv’s ears and tells them to fuck off, because while that kind of language isn’t good around little kids, some people still need to hear it. And those kind of people definitely aren’t people he needs in his life. 

He has his parents, who at first hadn’t taken the news well, but have since then supported him the best they can, his siblings who are always there for him when he needs him and vice versa, and the few friends he has managed to make after getting Liv. He might not have a partner to share everything in his life, but he has enough. More than enough. And he’s happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Jace inhales deeply. He closes his eyes, counts to ten, tries to imagine himself in a relaxing situation, exhales steadily, and inhales again. He places his hands on his hips and tries to smile, all the while Olivia, his two-year-old daughter, continues crying on the couch.

“I want cocoa,” Liv mumbles with tears covering her cheeks and snot threatening slide down to her mouth. 

“For the twentieth time.” Deep breath in. And out. “We don’t have cocoa. You can have a banana.”

Liv jumps up and down on the couch, her small hands balled into fists, and wails. “I want cocoa! I! Want! Cocoa!”

Jace covers his mouth with his hands and groans.

It hasn’t been a great day at all. To be quite honest, the day has been hell, the worst day one could possibly have. Liv has been cranky, and Jace has been cranky because she has been cranky, and then they have been cranky at each other. He’d tried calling his mom and get support, but she’d hummed and told him to look at some anger management techniques online because he shouldn’t take it on Liv if he’s having a bad day.

“You should try to be more patient,” his mom had said.

Jace would’ve told her to try being a single dad, but contrary to what she believes, he can manage his anger just fine.

It’s not even that he had been taking it out on Liv. It’s just. If she’s “accidentally” going to drop two pieces of bread on the floor, he’ll stop giving her bread. He’s not about to waste a whole loaf of it just so Liv can laugh at the sound it makes when it hits the floor.

He’s being the adult here, and Liv’s the one who’s unreasonable like children often are, but that doesn’t stop his mother from tsking at him disapprovingly.

Liv’s wailing turns into a high pitched scream that hurts Jace’s ears, and he turns to the kitchen and goes to unplug his phone from the socket above the kitchen counter. He finds Simon’s number in his contacts and calls him.

Simon answers with a mumbled ”huh?” just as Jace hears something crash in the living room.

”Yeah, hi,” Jace says, rubbing an eye with the back of his hand. ”Do you remember that time I stopped you from doing a triple backflip off the Frays’ roof and you said you owed me?”

Simon clears his throat. ”Yeah, uh... vaguely. Is that Liv yelling in the background?”

”Yes, and it’s payback time for you. I need you to come over, she’s in a mood and I’m five minutes away from banging my head against a wall.”

Jace hears some rustling and grunting on the other end of the line as Simon, presumably, gets out of bed. 

”Yeah, okay,” Simon mumbles and yawns. ”I expect breakfast when I get there, though.”

Jace glances at the clock. ”It’s three in the afternoon.”

”Time is an illusion,” Simon replies. ”See you in twenty.”

He disconnects the call and Jace plugs his phone back in before returning to the living room. Liv’s lying on top of one of the couch cushions thrown around the room and sniffling quietly. Jace isn’t sure if she even remembers what she was crying about. He crosses his arms across his chest and steps into her line of sight.

”Simon called,” he says.

Liv’s head lifts off the cushion so fast Jace would’ve missed it he’d blinked. She sniffles again before speaking.

”Simon?”

”Yeah. And he said if you clean the mess you’ve made he’s going to come over. Do you want him to come over?”

Liv wipes tears off her face and before she gets to her nose, Jace grabs a tissue from the package on the bookshelf and cleans her face, while she mumbles something inaudible.

”What was that?” Jace asks once he’s done.

”You clean,” Liv repeats.

”Hmm. No, I think the one who’s made a mess should clean. But maybe I can help you, just this once, so Simon can come over sooner.”

Liv purses her lips and looks around the room. There are a few toys scattered here and there, but otherwise, there’s not much clutter except for the cushions. Jace knows she doesn’t know how to put the cushions back properly, so he makes another deal.

”How about you put your toys back in the box and I fix the couch?”

”Then Simon,” Liv says.

”Yes, then Simon can come over.”

The smile that spreads on her face makes Jace forget the bad mood he was in, and as she springs up to clean the toys with a joyous shriek, he can’t help but laugh.

–

A month after Jace and Rita found out she was pregnant, Jace started working at the gym a couple of blocks away. He couldn’t call himself a personal trainer, but he knew enough to sign up new customers, welcome old ones, and show where the equipment was and how it worked. It paid the rent, the bills, the food, and in time, whatever they owed their parents for the crib, the changing table, and other furniture and necessities for the baby.

When Rita left, Jace panicked. He had Olivia who needed care, and a job he couldn’t quit. He couldn’t take her with him either, and he couldn’t just leave her to his parents – they had their own jobs, and even if they hadn’t they wouldn’t have spent five days out of the week babysitting their granddaughter until Jace could start taking her to the daycare in the fall.

That’s when Jace met Simon. He was – still is – Isabelle’s friend’s friend, and looking for a job for the summer holidays between semesters. Isabelle swore he was reliable and good with kids, and after an afternoon spent with him, Jace agreed. Olivia liked Simon, and Simon seemed to genuinely enjoy spending time with her, so they made an arrangement.

After the summer Liv started daycare, Simon went back to college, and Jace continued working, but whenever Simon had the time, he came over – this time simply because he wanted to. 

They’d become friends.

 

–

 

The doorbell rings and Liv is at the door in a flash, chanting Simon’s name. Jace can hear Simon’s muffled laughter from behind the door and grins as he lets his friend in.

”Simon!” Liv yells, crashing against Simon and hugging his legs.

”Hey, Olivia,” Simon says as he picks her up. ”You’ve grown so much since I last saw you. How old are you again? Ten?”

Liv laughs. ”No. Two. I’m a big girl.”

Simon nods seriously. ”You sure are. And dad’s a big boy, isn’t he?”

”No! He’s a little boy.”

”Oh, is that so?” Simon looks at Jace and raises a brow.

”Confirmed,” Jace says. ”Starting Monday Olivia’s going to work and I’m going to Miss Emma’s to make puzzles.”

Simon snorts. ”You’re not patient enough to make puzzles.”

”They’re like ten pieces, not a thousand. I think I can manage.”

They grin at each other until Liv directs Simon’s attention back to her by poking his cheek.

”Simon. Do puzzles with me.”

”Simon’s a bit hungry, so how about he watches you make a puzzle while he eats?” Jace asks before Simon gets to agree. 

Simon flashes him a grateful smile and lets Olivia down before she starts squirming. They watch her run to the bookshelf that’s been filled with her books and puzzles up to the second shelf and once she’s busied herself with a Frozen puzzle, they make their way to the kitchen. 

Jace starts brewing coffee while Simon locates his cereal and some milk, and not for the first time, Jace wonders how someone can eat chocolate the first thing in the morning. He watches Simon fill his bowl almost to the brim and then bend over the kitchen counter so he doesn’t drop anything as he shovels food into his mouth. 

It’s truly remarkable.

”Ah, I’ve never been this happy,” Simon says after swallowing a mouthful.

”You say that every time you eat.”

”And I always mean it.”

Jace huffs a laugh. ”Alright. Coffee?”

”Mmh.”

Jace fills two cups with coffee and hands the other one to Simon, who doesn’t bother to wait until it’s cooled a bit, just takes a sip and then grimaces when it burns his tongue.

”Oh, that’s hot.”

”Surprising.”

”Don’t sass me first thing in the morning.”

”It’s almost four pm.”

Simon just turns his back on him, grabs his bowl and takes it to the living room. Jace follows him, and they sit on the couch watching Liv do a puzzle until she’s fed up and wants to watch Teletubbies instead.

It’s funny how they both, Liv and Jace, seem to be in a better mood whenever Simon is around. Liv just adores him, and Jace admits he gets lonely sometimes and needs interactions with people other than Olivia and the people at work. It’s also nice to cook in peace while Simon and Liv are having a conversation about the bunnies in Teletubbies, and why exactly it is that Liv can’t have a bunny even though she wants one. He doesn’t mind it as much when Liv spills her milk on accident, when Simon’s there to roll his eyes over her head and pour her a new one, and going to the park so Liv can slide down the children’s slide a hundred times in a row isn’t quite as boring when he can talk to Simon at the same time.

It isn’t until later at night after he’s opened the convertible sofa in the living room, and Simon’s fallen asleep next to him that he realizes something.

He’s watching Simon, the way the street light peeking through the curtains is illuminating a part of his face, starting from his slack mouth and ending to his right eyebrow, and he doesn’t think he’s ever as happy as he is when he’s sharing his days with him, laughing over Liv’s antics and trying to figure out how to assemble overly complicated IKEA furniture. It’s not just the fact that he needs time to spend with other adults, it’s that he needs more time to spend with Simon. Simon is his best friend, the best friend he could’ve ever hoped to have, and Jace doesn’t know what he’d do without him.

It might be weird, but sometimes he wishes he could have Simon like this every day. He knows it’s not possible, Simon has his own apartment and his flatmates, and school, but sending him pictures of Liv covered in flour isn’t the same as him being there witnessing it with Jace. Talking to him on the phone isn’t the same as having him sit on the kitchen countertop while Jace cooks for them, and snapping him pictures of the bachelor and getting outrageous commenting back isn’t the same as having Simon next to him on the couch, with his feet propped up on the coffee table and his shoulder pressed against Jace’s.

Jace should probably get new friends. He’s maybe relying too much on Simon, maybe putting too much on him, maybe expecting too much of his time. Or maybe he should start dating. Or just get laid. A drunken make out could help too, but the only times he does drink is with Simon, and kissing him wouldn’t solve this problem.

He glances at Simon’s lips without thinking, and as soon as he realizes where this thread of thought is going, he turns to lie on his back and closes his eyes forcefully.

He doesn’t know why his brain went there. He doesn’t want to kiss Simon. Except after three tequilas, but anyone with that much alcohol in their system and the knowledge of how good a kisser Simon actually is would want to kiss him. It doesn’t mean he wants Simon or likes him.

Right?

He opens his eyes and casts a quick look at Simon’s face. 

Right?

His brain comes up empty. Right now, when he most needs it, his mind refuses to have any kind of opinion on the matter.

Does he like Simon or not?

He doesn’t know.

The question replays in his mind almost all night, and he barely gets any sleep before Liv wakes up and comes to demand breakfast.


End file.
